Відео

This is so helpful. Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks! U Rock.

I am 32 and gay, in a middle eastern country, never had a serious relationship. I was soo hopefull about my last try, actually my partner chase me and convince me then change slowly, he said he felt lost and can not see the future and scared. And he left me and almost shut down, ghosting and ghasligting.. I feel so lost and never ever feel that much sadness. World seems black and white.

I've healed so much that now I can't find men I click with, they're unconscious, disrespectful, unthoughtful, lie, cheat... Same with friends, I haven't kept many.

Ahaha thats me still searching for get him back but I really loved him and I am sure he was in love with me too.

Please do not talk about loneliness without referencing the autistic experience of isolation. I noticed a lot of caveats at the beginning were you referenced things like pathological loneliness where someone may need special treatment. Another special group is neurodivergent people, who are ostracized every day of their lives for being subtly different ((lots of research to back this up)). We experience prolonged loneliness, sometimes even around others, that is not pathological, but a natural result of living as different and being alienated daily by the people in our communities.

Intensity doesn’t equate to love or safety connection!!

That was me for 3 months its sounds funny and I feel ashamed

21:55 @alanrobarge you really are the bees knees. There are so many details in here on how to recover from codependency . Thank you

Wow, I feel like I just had the biggest epiphany of my life here. My wife is the nice, emotionally unavailable type. Everyone thinks she's great and tells me I'm lucky to have her. But I've been miserable for 20 years with her because she just doesn't want to talk. She's like a zombie sometimes. I describe her as living in a hole or being completely checked out. I'm exhausted and literally despise her. Another thing she does is that she absolutely refuses to be my ally, no matter what the context. She would literally take Satan's side against me. I cannot describe how exasperating this is and how discounted I feel. And everyone else is so important to her -- family, friends, church acquaintances -- but she won't pay attention to me when I try to talk to her. She'll pick hlup her phone, look away, put away the dishes, etc. It is truly bad for me and has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. But after finding these videos I see now that I'm not crazy.

Thank you for taking your time to make this video - I grew up in a emotionally neglectful family - and this video has helped me understand the wound - that I’m not worth knowing’ that I carry , this video has helped me immensely to just ‘get what the hell is going on!

This is the most authentic video I’ve ever seen

The richness of depth and explanation that Alan goes into is brilliant. What a great teacher for those who are ready to listen. Thankyou.

glad to see you putting more content out! 🥳

He was not in my life, chase me and get me after 3 months he left me in the darkness. Why why why? I need an answer and only response is ghosting. I lost my trust and hope and I hate myself that I am still want him.

My issue is that I keep attracting avoidants all the time and I want to love them better. This is my biggest issue

Its been a month since the breakup with my so called avoidant partner and I literally lost myself during that time, I wake up with panic and can’t focus anything else. But that video just ground me to the reality whenever I feel overwhelmed I start to listen it again. Thanks you Alan

Man..... this video was exactly what I needed. ❤🤜🤛

Is it normal to feel intense pain in heart post breakup (not physically but emotional pain 😢

Alan the last thing that keep me strong is that fake hope, I am not ready to destroy it I will watch it later :)

So it seems hopeless to expect a normal life. Or relationship. I Mean you can work on things and I do but the core issue is always there . Me being responsible for it makes it harder to deal with . Chased them All away or afraid of chasing them. Or getting close to unavailable women. Why try ?

Mine is more feeling, yearning, grief, but my brain is relentless too, which leads to the yearning and grief.

Profound- no adequate words

Its so sad to hear that I ended and pushed away my ex boyfriend and cause all that pain and anxiety now. I can see more clearly I wish I had an another chance with him :(

Brilliantly explained. Been longing all my life. Not to confuse longing for love - so true. BUT since the longing wound goes back to childhood HOW, oh how, does one heal it decades later? The parent is not alive anymore, so how do we heal that in such retrospect by ourself so we can get on with relationship 'longing free'? I'd pay big bucks for that answer. 🩵 Separate the story!

I discover your channel after a breakup that just turn my world upside down. Alan, as a gay person who lives in middle eastern country I never ever seen someone who can understand me that clearly, more than myself! even without knowing me, its just beautiful. Like your soul and mind is connected with mine. Your work is amazing. I am 32 years old and I cried while watching one of your video ‘growing up as a gay person’ it was like seeing my young and scared self again, that poor boy have to hide and act all the time... I am trying to heal of my fresh breakup wound and I wish I discovered your channel just before I met my last partner. My partner still struggles with his identity and just prefer to stay single over his happiness.. Thanks for your understanding, you have seen us and validates us that we are not broken and not alone. I want to hug you ♥️🌸

Thanks Alan I’ve listen to this video several times because it’s so real , I felt so validated from this video than I’ve done in my whole life

So very true, agree , I wasted 5 years in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, on and off, listening to this video have given me so much information which I don’t think I would received if I had any gone to a therapist

This couldn't have been more meaningful to hear at this moment! Big, big thanks!🙏🏻💖

Great video and thank you. Sorry it took seven years after you posted for me to see it :-) my issue is finding friends and the majority of your video is applicable that as well. Again, thank you. It helped.

So rough that it was a skill issue and not that they were neglegent.

Your zoomed in frame and painted backdrop give the video a bright and modern vibe- nice change!

This is extremely accurate and can see how it plays out.

This video is a masterpiece. How have I only seen this video for this first time? Despite being a regular viewer of Alan's work for years. Definitely relate to this and many of the points have hit home to my "stuckness".

When you come here for advice and you're name is used as an example. 😕

It's been 4 years I still have intrusive thoughts. I feel such shame.😢

I can admit I love myself however when I realize that I am not being loved/nurtured by spouse. It becomes a challenge on how to respond and I constantly catch myself reacting out of emotion. Each time I address issues it seems as if what I am experiencing and his reality don’t align. Usually ending in him feeling like a victim and I am ALWAYS the one who see the problems within our marriage. I may be an hypersensitive codependent not just in my marriage but also in my career. Always being the one that everyone depend on to figure things out. Always problem solving and critical thinking. This last espisode I pulled back the need to see are say anything especially when dealing with an alcoholic.

I can admit I love myself however when I realize that I am not being loved/nurtured by spouse. It becomes a challenge on how to respond and I constantly catch myself reacting out of emotion. Each time I address issues it seems as if what I am experiencing and his reality don’t align. Usually ending in him feeling like a victim and I am ALWAYS the one who see the problems within our marriage. I may be an hypersensitive codependent not just in my marriage but also in my career. Always being the one that everyone depend on to figure things out. Always problem solving and critical thinking. This last espisode I pulled back the need to see are say anything especially when dealing with an alcoholic.

I was 9 when my sweet daddy passed away

Best information yet. I don’t have anyone I trust to work on it with. Do the best I can with what I have

Thank you for seeing me

…my overriding behavior “I will shut down my beautiful, noble human need to explore depths of attachment and emotional connection with you and share our vulnerabilities

15:00

As a psychotherapist I just want to comment that your content is excellent. I see you and I see the effort that you have put into these videos, and how important it is for you to share this message. Bravo

Listened again... Thankful again.

Isn't self acceptance a true and beneficial expression of self love?

I am grieving every day. Can't concentrate, just suffering because of the breakup. She said I dont want the same as her but it is not true. Marriage and children was my goal with her, but she insisted that I dont want it. I just wanted to have a healthy relationship before and not being blocked everywhere and being accused of being a cheater just because I have a female friend.

Thats it !!!!! I feel like furniture !!!!!

Thank you for sharing such meaningful information and bringing in your personal experience. I lost my father abruptly at age 17, and it explains why when a relationship ends abruptly, it's excruciatingly painful. Also, there's a fear I hold through the relationship that it might end suddenly. Big big thanks!

He broke my experience with ilaws in 5min😅❤❤❤